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6 Simple Tips for Coping with Divorce Positively

Life after divorce is often a tricky road to navigate. In many ways, you’re recreating yourself while also potentially dealing with feelings of grief, anger, and stress. It’s for this reason that actress Stephanie March turned to plastic surgery for a self-esteem boost following her divorce from celebrity chef Bobby Flay. Of her decision, March candidly confessed:

“I decided to change my body because I couldn’t change my life.”

Ultimately, March turned out to be allergic to the implants, which ruptured in her chest and were later removed. Unfortunately, many women like March turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms post-divorce. So, how can that desire for change be channeled into healthier ways of dealing with divorce? Consider the following tips for coping with the breakup of a marriage:

1. Give yourself a time-out.

In the weeks immediately following a separation, give yourself a little time-out. Don’t use this time to make any major life decisions like buying a new car, quitting your current job, starting a new job, moving across the country, or indulging in plastic surgery. Instead, allow yourself time and space to adjust to your new normal. There will be plenty of time for decision-making down the road.

2. Stick to your routine.

There’s no doubt about it: divorce disrupts life as you once knew it. To help yourself cope and calm the chaos, try to return to your normal routine as soon as possible, particularly if you have kids. This helps establish a sense of normalcy and provides comfort during uncertain times.

3. Take care of your physical and mental health.

Be kind to yourself when dealing with separation or divorce. Take time to do the things you love—curling up with a good book, eating out at your favorite restaurant, or pampering yourself with a day at the spa. Remember to take care of your physical health, too. That includes eating healthy foods and making an effort to get enough sleep each night. Additionally, make sure that you’re exercising regularly. Exercise, after all, is good for both your physical and mental health. In addition to making you physically fit, exercise releases endorphins, the body’s feel-good hormone, which helps to fight stress and anxiety.

4. Reach out to friends.

In the days and weeks following a painful separation, it can be tempting to isolate yourself from friends and family. However, this is not a healthy way to cope; in fact, social isolation can exacerbate feelings of depression. So, make sure to reach out to trusted friends. Sharing your feelings with people you love is therapeutic and helps reduce feelings of loneliness. You might also consider joining an in-person or online support group for people going through divorce.

5. Explore new hobbies and interests.

Remember that salsa class that you always wanted to take but your ex-spouse hated dancing? Or, that yoga studio that always caught your eye on your way home from the office? Now is the time to explore new interests or reconnect with old hobbies that you enjoyed in your life pre-marriage. So, consider volunteering with an organization close to your heart or signing up for that intramural kickball team.

6. Stay away from drugs and alcohol.

While it might be tempting to indulge in drugs or alcohol to escape from feelings of grief or anger, avoid the urge. Instead, focus on healthier ways to cope with life after divorce. Turning to drugs or alcohol might feel good initially but is a destructive long-term choice.

Are you currently going through a painful separation or divorce? Know that you’re not alone. Learn more about how we can help you navigate the bumpy road of divorce and lead to a healthier, fuller life in the future!

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For Moms: 10 Signs It’s Time for Your Child to Meet Your Partner

So you overcame being afraid of stepping back into the dating world, and you just happened to meet the perfect guy. Your heart no longer feels damaged, and any doubts you’ve had in previous relationships are non-existent in this one. But now comes something a little scarier: bringing your child onto the scene.

A common worry for the dating mom is wondering when it’s the right time for your child to meet your partner. Read through these ten signs to figure out if the timing is right for you!

1. The relationship has been stable for at least six months.

Experts recommend waiting until you’ve been together at least six months before bringing a new person into a child’s life after divorce. If there has been little confusion about your status together from the beginning and things are looking like they won’t change anytime soon, then you’re already a step closer to moving things forward. Hold off on introducing your child to your partner if things feel rocky or friends and other family members are unaware of you existing in each other’s lives.

2. You are completely comfortable around him.

It may be the right time to introduce him to your child if he feels like your best friend and you don’t have to hide the quirky parts of yourself or keep secrets from him. This trust should be evolving into a strong, unbreakable bond, and you should both feel entirely yourselves around one another. When there’s zero room for secrets, you fully know the person you’re with and can use this insight to determine whether or not they are a keeper, and more importantly, ready to become a part of the family.

3. You both know how to compromise.

When it comes down to simple adjustments, compromising should rarely be an issue. You should have established respect and should both be flexible with the other’s life. Showing that he can work around those he cares most about is a sign he’ll do the same for your child in the long-run.

4. He’s already shown signs of not backing down in a tough moment.

Say your boss was a little too hard on you for having to leave work early to pick up your sick child from school, or perhaps you fell behind on a bill, or maybe your pet passed away. In times of hardship, you weren’t alone. Your partner was by your side to comfort you and help you through things. If this is the case for you, then he may be ready to meet your child. Family life has its rough spots and knowing he’s been there through some hard times means he’s less likely to hit the road when the going gets tough.

5. A future together is easy to imagine.

When you ponder a future together, instead of saying, “how is this going to work?” everything should just fit in place like a puzzle. Maybe your schedules don’t clash, or you’re both non-smokers who absolutely adore dogs. Whatever the case may be, you should actually be able to picture the two of you building a life together. Of course, most importantly, when you envision how he’ll be with your child, you shouldn’t start having second thoughts.

6. You’re happy together.

Overall, if you can’t imagine yourself happier than you are with him, that’s an essential sign you’re ready to progress with things. If there is any tension or either party is miserable, your child will pick right up on that. Seeing both of you happy will make your child happy.

7. He takes an interest in your child.

When your child comes up in conversation, he shouldn’t get uncomfortable or try to change the topic. He should engage himself in everything you have to say and try to learn more. He should already know your child loves soccer and his or her favorite color is green. He should ask how he or she is doing without being nudged to do so. That’s the most important sign to look for.

8. Your child has a minor idea of who this person is.

Your partner shouldn’t be a total stranger to them when you introduce them as someone special. Sure, they haven’t been formally introduced, but he or she should at least have an idea of who you are spending your time with. If for some reason you haven’t felt comfortable bringing him up at all, that could be a warning sign.

9. You have an idea for the meeting ground.

You know it’ll be too weird for your child if you brought your partner over, and vice versa. This transition is a delicate metamorphosis, and you know comfort is key. You already have a park planned out with soccer nets, where he can give your child a brand new ball.

10. You’re prepared to keep things as simple as possible for awhile.

Again, this transition is sensitive and will take time to set in. The focus will be on your significant other and child forming a bond together, so that means no kissing or hand holding for a long while when your child is around. Be sensitive that your child may not really understand what’s going on, and may feel a little replaced by you having someone new in your life. He or she may also fear that his or her father is being replaced. You want to make it clear that these things aren’t happening and be very sensitive to your child’s feelings.

Do these ten signs hold true for you?

If so, you’re ready to make the move! If not, give it more time and see what the future holds. For more expert tips on life after divorce, check out Untangle The Knot.

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Life After Divorce: Why My Ex-Husband’s Affair Was The Greatest Gift

Most of the time, when we hear the word divorce, we think only of the negative things like lawyer fees, loneliness, and long, drawn-out negotiations. But, believe it or not, there is life after divorce, and sometimes, it’s better than you could have imagined.

A True Story

Allow us to tell you the story of “Allison.” Her name has been changed to protect her confidentiality, but her story is true.

Allison got married young, at age 23, to a man named “Dylan,” whom she had known most of her life. Because she was friends with Dylan when she was a child, she mistakenly thought that she knew him. She dated him only briefly before getting married at a beautiful outdoor ceremony.

Unfortunately, before the wedding party even ended, Allison realized that she had made a mistake, when she caught Dylan flirting with one of the guests. And things only got worse from there.

In a short time, Allison became aware of all of Dylan’s previously hidden character flaws and addictions, and it wasn’t long before he was completely out of control. He started lying and stealing from her to maintain his phone-sex addiction. But, not wanting to admit defeat, Allison stayed in the marriage for five years, reasoning that he had never actually touched another woman. Until he did.

Once a real-life affair had taken place, Allison knew she had to end the marriage. As much as she hated to let go, cheating was the one thing she couldn’t put up with. And so, she filed for divorce. Since there were no children, and they had no shared property, the proceedings were fairly easy, but that didn’t make it any easier on her heart.

The Healing Process

After the divorce, Allison took a year off from relationships. She focused on herself and her needs. She found out that she’s a decent writer, and that, despite the fact that she’s always considered herself to be completely inflexible, she’s not bad at yoga, either. Allison also went to therapy to work out some of the reasons that she was attracted to this guy in the first place, and to allow herself space to grieve.

Finally, when Allison felt ready to date again, she started. Slowly. It was very hard for her to trust at first. If a guy called to say he’d be late, she would immediately believe that he was lying to her. After a while, she realized that she was trying to date without getting hurt; so, back to therapy she went. This time, she focused on releasing her fear of hurt feelings. She realized that dating was risky, but that with her new connection to her intuition, she could trust that she would choose a better partner this time.

A Happy Ending

And guess what? It happened! Roughly two years after her ex-husband moved out, Allison met a new man, “James.” James was honest, loving, and caring, and she was scared out of her mind. She knew that this could be the real deal. James knew right away that he wanted to be with Allison, but she was adamant that this time she would take it slowly. James was patient, and finally, Allison agreed to marry again.

Allison and James just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary, and they have two beautiful children.

What’s the moral of this story?

Life does go on after divorce! It may not seem like it at the time, but great things are in store for you. The amazing part of this story is how much Allison learned and changed from her experience. The fact that she met someone else and built a new life was the icing on the cake. But learning who she really was, that was the true gift.

If you would like more information on how to survive and thrive after divorce, contact us. We are here to help.

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Follow The Yellow Brick Road: What Oz Teaches Us About Divorce

The comfort of black and white…nobody knew it as well as Dorothy. She knew nothing but pecking chickens, garden-digging dogs, and mean old ladies on rickety bicycles. At the time, those problems seemed so big—until Dorothy found that all those tiny problems were nothing compared to what she woke up to face when her house pitched up in the air and landed in Oz. Bright new colors, vivid and scary—something she had never witnessed before. Color? What’s that?! Now, that old lady was a mean old witch, and she found herself desperate to get back home. Sound familiar?

Just as Dorothy felt when she landed in Oz, going through a divorce can feel like you’ve been thrust into a strange and scary new world. But in the hardship and newness of it all, there is much we can learn from Oz. These same lessons can help us to navigate the new normal and find that the very thing that threatens to destroy us will make us into the heroes, the flying-monkey-tamers, and the farm girls (or city girls) with courage that we were always meant to become.

“If we just keep walking, we’ll get to someplace sometime.” —Dorothy

There is a lot of wisdom in that line. You wake up one day, and the comfort of your black and white has suddenly changed to these new and foreign colors your eyes have never seen. You have no idea where you are going or where this path leads you; you only know that sometimes you just want to stop walking. You just want to give up. You want to lay down in the poppies and sleep forever.

But Dorothy was so wise when she said that, if we only keep walking, then we will get there—someplace at some time. Where that is and when that will be, well, that is still a mystery. But, if history tells us anything, things turned out pretty well for a certain Kansas girl who got everything she ever wanted, plus a little adventure in between.

“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” —Glinda the Good Witch

“I’m no witch at all!”

That was Dorothy’s response to Glinda’s question, and a great response it was. It was, however, easy to see why Glinda thought she had powers; she just dropped an entire house on a mean old witch!

It goes without saying that each day brings new emotions, and some days, we feel like the kind and sweet person who could take on the world with a smile. Other days, we want to drop a house on someone, on the situation, and on the whole mess in general. Recognizing that you are somewhere in the middle of these emotions will set you free.

It is okay to have emotions that change with the tide. It is going to happen, and it is normal. However, remembering who you want to be will help you be who you want to be. Stay positive. Be the bigger person. Control your emotions. You have the power to overcome any ugly, green, melted-puddle-of-an-emotion—all within you. The effort, even if only 15 minutes at a time, is well worth it and so good for your soul.

“Hearts won’t be practical until they can be made unbreakable.” —The Wizard of Oz

The man behind the curtain said it all, and at the time, it was the perfect thing to say. We all long for that once-in-a-lifetime love, that unconditional I’ll-always-be-here, but sometimes, that just isn’t how things work. It’s sad. It makes you wish you never, ever gave your heart away in the first place.

What good is love if it is so impractical? It can be so tempting to think that you have wasted your time here, but the truth is that you’ve always been right where you needed to be. Your marriage helped to shape your character and ready you for the path ahead.

Hearts will never be practical, and that is simply because hearts weren’t made to be. It is these difficult times that reminds us we are our own anchor, our own home, and that we are more than our circumstances. We weren’t put here for comfort, but to grow up through the hard dirt and blossom. When you are tempted to regret your choices, remember that, without those choices, you wouldn’t be the same amazing, wonderful, well-rounded you. And that you is pretty great!

“You’ve had the power all along.” —Glinda

Dorothy spent so much time trying to find her voice. Little did she know, she had the power all along. You do too!

Comfort returns. Black and white comes back. You are left with only the memories of that scary time that will also, ironically, be one of your favorite memories as time goes on. You will meet new friends. You will conquer things you never dreamed of. You will learn that you are a powerful, little something that no witch dare stand up against, and you will do all of this with the same grace, kindness, and courage you always have. The power is right there inside you. You’ve always had it. I’m a firm believer that we are born with everything we need to face whatever comes our way. We just have to learn to dig it up and make it shine.

When you find yourself spinning in a house, with bicycles flying by the window frame, take heart. You are not alone. You have so many people in your life that love you—whether you realize it or not. Even down to the person who pours your morning coffee at the local diner, people care. Open your eyes. Walk the yellow brick road. You’ll get to someplace at some time. If you need a little help navigating, we are always here for you.

Contact us today to discover ways to grow, change, and embrace this new journey. We know you can do it. You’ve had the power all along.

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5 Tips For Dating Again After Divorce

Divorces happen, and they happen fairly frequently. Recent studies have shown that over 2 million Americans got divorced in the year 2015 alone, and that was not an exceptional year for divorce by any stretch of the imagination. However, it’s important to remember that, no matter how many people got divorced when you did, your divorce and your journey through it is still unique to you. This is why, if you’re thinking about dating again after divorce, it’s important to take a deep breath and make sure you’re truly ready to jump back into that pool.

1. Think About What You Want in a Partner

If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’re never going to find it. This sounds like basic advice, but coming out on the other end of a divorce often changes our wants and needs in ways we don’t think about at the time. Before you start going out again, you have to know what you want from a partner and what you’re looking for in a relationship. You might be looking for companionship, a casual friend to get dinner with once a week, or something a little more intimate and serious. Only you can make that decision.

2. Talk About Who You Are

Your marriage can often hang over you like a cloud after a divorce, and the things that happened to you are still fresh in your memory. When you’re dating, though, you should follow one of the most important rules you had when you were still single: don’t talk about your ex—at least not for a while. Before you regale your date with stories of your past relationship and divorce, it’s important that they get to know you, and you get to know them and are sure they’re worth trusting with your story.

3. Be Honest About Who You Are

Honesty can be in fairly short supply in the dating world, unfortunately. This is particularly true regarding online dating, where people may exaggerate their qualities to make themselves seem like better dating prospects. This is something you should absolutely avoid doing, because most fabrications on an online profile come to light sooner or later. Keep your profile honest, and before you go out with someone you met online, consider running a quick search on them. You might be surprised what you find.

4. Talk To Your Kids About Your Dating Decision

Divorce can be especially tough for your kids. If you and your ex have children together, you should take the time to talk to them about your dating decisions. Not only that, but you need to be honest with your kids about what your dating plans are (within the bounds of reason and good taste, obviously). While it isn’t necessary, or even recommended, for your kids to meet everyone you date, they should know that you are dating again.

5. Dating is Not a Fix-All

Too often we see dating portrayed as a way to fill a void or fix what’s wrong with our lives. Your problems, our culture says, will go away or become unimportant once you find the right person. However, dating isn’t something you do in order to fix your life; it’s something you do to enrich and share your life, once you’ve rebuilt it. If there are areas in your life where you are still healing and getting your feet under you, focus there before you begin dating. Whether it’s issues with intimacy, difficulties with adjusting to being a single parent, or just trying to figure out your new goals in a post-marriage life, having a handle on these core areas will be key to starting a relationship with a new romantic partner in the equation. I encourage you to really ask yourself the question if you are ready to date again after divorce.

Taking the leap to start dating again takes time, healing, and a healthy dose of bravery. When you’re ready to jump back in the dating pool, you may want some additional support and resources to guide you. We’re here to help!

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The Dating Dad’s Wedding Season Survival Guide

Summer is here. The days are longer, the kids are out of school, and everybody you know is getting married.

Yes, summer means wedding season, and if you’re newly divorced, or in the process, or just haven’t found your way back to the idea that marriage is a good idea for anyone, helping friends and family celebrate their nuptials can be an exercise in self-control. It’s time to sublimate your cynicism, put on your game face, and be the supporting, loving person you’ve always been.

But it isn’t easy.

I remember going to my cousin’s wedding just a few months after my own divorce was finalized. I’m not sure my cousin understood what she was asking when she requested that I hold a corner of the chuppah – the canopy in a Jewish wedding. I’m sure she felt like it was a demonstration of how close we’ve always been. But considering I was still reeling from the recent upheaval in my life, and the same rabbi who’d officiated at my wedding was doing hers, I could only dread the experience.

And it wasn’t easy to stand there while my cousin and the groom looked lovingly into each other’s eyes, the rabbi talking about a forever commitment. It wasn’t easy to suspend disbelief on their behalf, to smile and lend encouragement when marriage seemed to me a sham and a lie and a false promise people make to each other. It wasn’t easy to stand at the front of the room, before my family members in the front rows. And it really wasn’t easy when the rabbi turned to me at a quiet moment, put her hand on my arm, and whispered, “You’re doing great.”

In the years since my divorce, I’ve been to many weddings, and have been in the wedding party of several of them. In none of them have I felt so deeply out-of-place as that first one. I felt like an imposter.

So the good news is that it will get better. But that first round of weddings is a bitch. You just kind of have to suck it up, not take yourself too seriously, and know that you’re not always going to feel this way.

Here are select tips to help the newly divorced (or divorcing) survive wedding season.

1. Prepare yourself.

Whether it’s a family or friend occasion, you can probably get a good idea of the guest list before you go. Will you have compatriots there who have your back? It’s the bride and groom’s day, so don’t count on either of them to be attentive to your experience. But if you have a cousin or a close friend who knows what you’re dealing with, it wouldn’t hurt to reach out before the big day and have a chat about it. Talk about any discomfort, and make a plan for what to do if things start to feel iffy for you, whether it’s to make sure you have plenty of bubbly (or bourbon) to soften the sharp edges, or a place to which you can retreat, or an escape plan.

2. Wear something that makes you feel awesome.

Make the effort to look your best — it’s better to be a little overdressed than a little underdressed. You’ll feel more confident, and it’ll show. So take the time to find the clothes that fit the occasion and also fit you well.

3. Pack a couple hankies.

As a man, I always carry a handkerchief in my pocket, but I’ve learned to carry an extra at weddings, just in case the waterworks start near me. But if you’re in the early days of being single again, you may need them both for yourself. It’s okay to cry, even if it’s out of self-pity. Weddings are an in-your-face occasion, and they can bring a lot of crappy stuff to the surface.

4. Be a snob.

If you can make a wedding fun for yourself, it’ll go by faster and be much more enjoyable. For me, I have this weird compressed conflict of thinking, “Damn, I’m not sure I could do all of this process and fanfare again,” combined with “But if I did, I’d never include a song by Bob Dylan in the ceremony.” And then I think of all the ways my next wedding would be superior to the one I’m attending. Which allows me to drift into the fantasyland of the proposal and the wedding and the honeymoon with some as yet unknown woman. But not the marriage afterward—yikes! It’s absurd, of course. But it’s a fun game, and it allows me to daydream myself away from the present while still being in the moment.

5. Be brazen.

The more you act like you belong there, the more you’ll believe it. And the fewer maddening expressions of concern you’ll have to deal with. For me, it was the looks and the questions that I hated most. The last thing I wanted to talk about was my feelings and heartache at a joyous occasion. Nothing to see here, people. Move along.

6. Drink enough to lighten the mood, but don’t get sloppy.

Of course drinking yourself into oblivion would be an easy way to stay numb through the whole event. But you already know the many reasons why that would be a bad idea. Still, if a nip or a sip will settle your nerves, and you can keep the urge to binge drink in check, I say go for it. If cannabis is more your thing, the same rule applies—go easy. You don’t want to be the sloppy drunk or zoned out stoner who becomes the cautionary tale that everyone remembers.

7. Flirt (or be flirted with).

You may or may not be in the mood for love, but you can still surf the wave of built-in romance that always comes with a wedding, and see where it takes you. Maybe it’ll lead to a date, a tryst, a new friendship, or just a magical, stolen makeout session in a deserted hallway. Just make sure that doesn’t happen with the bride and/or groom.

8. You don’t have to stay for the whole thing.

If you’ve powered through the ceremony and the beginning of the reception, and you’re just not feeling it, make a quiet exit and feel good that you lasted as long as you did. You don’t have to stay for the cake ceremony. And you certainly don’t have to dance if you don’t want to. But…

9. You can dance if you want to.

Go for it. Be you. Smile, shake your hips, surrender. You have this.

Obviously, these are just shallow, surface-level tactics to help you power through the 3-6 hours (or, egads, entire weekend) of unbridled optimism and fraught emotions wrapped up in a wedding event. Whatever you do, don’t choose that time to sift through your own sentiments about marriage or dig into why you’re feeling the way you are. Save that for another time, and a safe space — like with your therapist, or best friend, or with a box of tissues and a binge-watching of Scrubs.

Eric Elkins has been divorced for 13 years, and writing his Dating Dad blog about the joys and humiliations of being a single father for more than a decade. He owns a social media consulting agency in Denver, writes books on the side, and travels often with his 16-year-old geek goddess daughter. You can find him on Twitter as @datingdad, on Instagram as @ericelkins, and Snapchat as @sazereric. Read more at datingdad.com.

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Best Friend Untying the Knot? Throw a Divorce Shower

Did your best friend wed the wrong guy? Has your sister’s marriage come to a not-so-merry conclusion? Divorce is a life altering and painful event, but a happy life and new beginning awaits on the other side. Girls get together to have fun when one of their friends is about to become a bride, right? Expectant mothers are celebrated with fabulous showers. Divorce may not be the happiest sort of new beginning, but it’s still a new start and can be an exciting time in a woman’s life.

Granted, a post-marital bash may not be every divorcee’s proverbial cup of tea. Some women need time to mourn their marriage in solitude. Some newly unmarried women would prefer a weekend alone on a sunny beach with a good book to any sort of revelry. Some women want to get right back to work and pretend it never happened. That’s alright, too. But if you have a divorcing friend who’s up for a jolly good time, by all means do put together a festive celebration.

Plan a divorce party that suits your friend’s mood and style. In some cases, a quiet girls night in with tasty snacks and a few female-empowering, divorce-themed movies is the right way to go. First Wives ClubShe Devil, and Waiting to Exhale are fun choices.

If your newly single friend is the type who likes to dance and carouse, arrange a girls night out at a nice local nightclub. Share a table, and don’t wait for men to ask you to dance. Go ahead and take over the dance floor, if you like. It can be a lot of fun! Unless one member of the party wishes to be a designated, non-drinking driver, have the hostess call a cab or arrange for an Uber driver to take everyone home after the festivities.

Gifts for the guest of honor are always a good idea. Unless your friend lost a lot of household possessions during her divorce and needs to replenish those things, a gift registry is not generally required the way it might be for a baby shower. Presents can be useful things, but just-for-giggles gifts are much more fun to give and receive.

Some very successful divorce parties involve a visit to Las Vegas. If you and your friends can get away for a long weekend in Sin City, do it. Las Vegas offers a remarkable range of attractions and shows that are sure to keep your newly single friend’s mind off her just-ended marriage. Properties that specialize in singles packages include the off-Strip Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, the Venetian Resort, and the trendy Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. Each boasts one or more nightclubs on-site, so you can revel ’til your hearts content and never venture far from the hotel.

According to DivorcePartyIdeas, the best divorce parties occur shortly after the ink is dry on the final dissolution papers. A great divorce party can give a newly unmarried woman a fresh sense of vitality as she embarks on the next phase of her life.

Please bear in mind the fact that a divorce party should never be a surprise to the guest of honor. The divorcee being feted should always have the deciding vote, as far as timing, venue, and guest list are concerned.

We understand that divorce is not a lot of fun, and we don’t mean to make light of a sorrowful situation. It’s incredibly painful on levels nobody can understand unless they have traveled through it. Trust us, we’ve been there. We merely suggest that when divorce is inevitable, take a pause to have some fun and connect with your friends. Put on your prettiest party dress, take a deep breath, and enjoy a divorce celebration.

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Bye Bye Bling: Selling The Wedding Ring After A Divorce

Whether you are in the middle of a divorce, or just on the other side of one, one thing is for certain: You have a lot on your mind. You are going through one of the toughest transitions of adulthood, which requires you to make many decisions that you would probably rather avoid. That’s why we, here at Untangle The Knot, want to make your life easier. We know what it’s like to be at your wits’ end, because we’ve been there too. So, let us help you — one decision at a time.

Today’s burning question: How do I know if I should sell my wedding ring?

The wedding ring is one of the most sentimental objects in a marriage. We wear it on our finger every day as a reminder of the relationship that we are in. So, for many, selling it is a way to begin to move on and let go of what hasn’t worked for us in the past.

If you do decide to sell, places like ebayCraigslist, and a relatively new option, I Do Now I Don’t, are good places to start. Typically, online auction sites will garner more of a return than a traditional jewelry store. But, if you have a great relationship with your jeweler, he or she may offer you a fair price.

Before you sell, it’s helpful to know exactly what you have so that you can set a realistic price. Most jewelers, and even pawn shops, have materials to test the quality of the metal, and of course, to be sure that the diamond is real. (Hey, you never know!)

But, if selling doesn’t feel right to you, there is always the option of donating. Your gift will be tax deductible, and you can help people, who otherwise couldn’t afford a ring, in the process. There are many websites like With This Ring, a Christian organization, or Tough Angels, which is participating in a project to turn old jewelry into much-needed housing for underprivileged folks. That’s a pretty awesome idea, if you ask us.

For some, performing a ritual with the ring, like giving it to the ocean or burying it in the desert, will feel right. This isn’t the time to worry about the conventional thing to do—unless, of course, you really need the money.

But, what if the jewelry is just too sparkly to part with? In this case, you may want to take the ring to a jeweler and have it made into something fabulous. Maybe a necklace or a bracelet? Something that uses the stones that you love, but in a new structure, symbolizing the fact that your heart will go on— just in a new way.

Finally, you could choose to leave the ring as it is and put it away for future generations to use. After all, it isn’t the ring that caused the break-up. No need to blame a rock, especially if it’s a gorgeous one.

Ultimately, you might not be ready to let go of the ring just yet, and that’s okay too. Whatever you decide, it has to be on your own terms. Rushing yourself to get rid of the ring when you want to hold on to it for a little bit longer is unnecessarily cruel, as is forcing yourself to keep it if looking at it makes you unhappy. As with so many parts of this process, your journey is unique. We can’t promise you that it will be easy, but we can promise that we will be here with you every step of the way. Please contact us with your questions, concerns, and dilemmas. We are here to help.

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