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Life After Divorce: Why My Ex-Husband’s Affair Was The Greatest Gift

Most of the time, when we hear the word divorce, we think only of the negative things like lawyer fees, loneliness, and long, drawn-out negotiations. But, believe it or not, there is life after divorce, and sometimes, it’s better than you could have imagined.

A True Story

Allow us to tell you the story of “Allison.” Her name has been changed to protect her confidentiality, but her story is true.

Allison got married young, at age 23, to a man named “Dylan,” whom she had known most of her life. Because she was friends with Dylan when she was a child, she mistakenly thought that she knew him. She dated him only briefly before getting married at a beautiful outdoor ceremony.

Unfortunately, before the wedding party even ended, Allison realized that she had made a mistake, when she caught Dylan flirting with one of the guests. And things only got worse from there.

In a short time, Allison became aware of all of Dylan’s previously hidden character flaws and addictions, and it wasn’t long before he was completely out of control. He started lying and stealing from her to maintain his phone-sex addiction. But, not wanting to admit defeat, Allison stayed in the marriage for five years, reasoning that he had never actually touched another woman. Until he did.

Once a real-life affair had taken place, Allison knew she had to end the marriage. As much as she hated to let go, cheating was the one thing she couldn’t put up with. And so, she filed for divorce. Since there were no children, and they had no shared property, the proceedings were fairly easy, but that didn’t make it any easier on her heart.

The Healing Process

After the divorce, Allison took a year off from relationships. She focused on herself and her needs. She found out that she’s a decent writer, and that, despite the fact that she’s always considered herself to be completely inflexible, she’s not bad at yoga, either. Allison also went to therapy to work out some of the reasons that she was attracted to this guy in the first place, and to allow herself space to grieve.

Finally, when Allison felt ready to date again, she started. Slowly. It was very hard for her to trust at first. If a guy called to say he’d be late, she would immediately believe that he was lying to her. After a while, she realized that she was trying to date without getting hurt; so, back to therapy she went. This time, she focused on releasing her fear of hurt feelings. She realized that dating was risky, but that with her new connection to her intuition, she could trust that she would choose a better partner this time.

A Happy Ending

And guess what? It happened! Roughly two years after her ex-husband moved out, Allison met a new man, “James.” James was honest, loving, and caring, and she was scared out of her mind. She knew that this could be the real deal. James knew right away that he wanted to be with Allison, but she was adamant that this time she would take it slowly. James was patient, and finally, Allison agreed to marry again.

Allison and James just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary, and they have two beautiful children.

What’s the moral of this story?

Life does go on after divorce! It may not seem like it at the time, but great things are in store for you. The amazing part of this story is how much Allison learned and changed from her experience. The fact that she met someone else and built a new life was the icing on the cake. But learning who she really was, that was the true gift.

If you would like more information on how to survive and thrive after divorce, contact us. We are here to help.