Conquering Fear Through Divorce: You’ll Get Through This!
“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now, we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh
Fear is one of the most paralyzing emotions that accompanies divorce. Fear of being alone, fear of making a mistake, fear of raising your children as a single parent, fear of making ends meet…the list goes on and on.
Unshakable fear is oftentimes a result of facing the unknown. Divorce is full of unknowns which is one of the reasons it is so terrifying. Everything in your life that has been your foundation is suddenly on shaky ground. You don’t know what to do next and you don’t know where your life is going.
How will things be when you are just you again? Will you like who you are? Will you be able to take care of yourself and your family? Will you ever be happy again? Each of these questions just led to more, and before you know it, you’re under the covers again, crying into your pillow, and wondering when things are going to get better. That’s the bad news. The good news is it won’t last forever.
Looking on the Bright Side
Although it does not seem like it right now, there are so many good things going for you. You are alive. You are breathing. You have eyes to see and ears to hear. You have hands to reach out for help when you need it, and there are a million other qualities that are so unique to you that you won’t find the exact characteristics in anyone else in the world.
Your unique talents, your kindness, your way of picking yourself up and dusting yourself off—these are all powerful reminders, telling you, “You are ok. Right in this moment. Right in this circumstance. You are achieving the impossible. You are living. You are alright, and you will be alright tomorrow.” By constantly reminding yourself of the positive forces in your life, you’ll be able to slowly shift your perspective to see the brighter side of things.
Moment By Moment, Day by Day
Overcoming fear happens by moments. By recognizing that you are okay right this second, you can reassure yourself that you’ll probably be OK the next too. Before long, those seconds turn to minutes. Minutes turn to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years, until one day you wake up and realize you did it. You aren’t afraid. You made things happen. You did all those things you said you couldn’t do, and you are better for it. You are stronger for it. You are.
When You Cannot Stop the Inner Voices
If you are playing that inner monologue right now, wondering, “Am I enough? Am I going to be alright? Am I ever going to be happy again? Am I still just as wonderful inside and out as the day we got married?” then let me tell you the truth. YOU ARE. You are going to get through this. YOU ARE—because that’s just what you do, and being here, looking for help, and reaching for it with both hands, that says something. It says that you are vulnerable yet brave, and it says that you have the drive it takes to keep moving forward, to keep journeying on, and to discover that you are not ever, ever alone in this.
Giving you a lifeline to help you through your fear is one of the reasons I created Untangle The Knot — To provide you the guidance and support you need to move through this most difficult time and into your next chapter. You are going to be okay!
I hope you will take a moment to see what I can offer you for support. I truly want you to live the life that you imagined –even if that story looks a little different than it did before. Together we can overcome fear and move ever closer to the happiness that is just around the corner!
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