Overcoming Fear During Your Divorce
Whether you were surprised when your former spouse decided to file for divorce or you were the one who decided that it was time to untangle the knot and move on with your lives, the changes divorce brings to your life can be terrifying. However, overcoming that fear is a critical part of moving on with your life, seeing what’s on the other side, and learning to function in your new reality. It won’t happen overnight, but if you give yourself time, you’ll learn just what a strong individual you can be.
Live in the Moment
The future is, and always will be, a huge unknown. Maybe you’ve already considered new dreams and plans for your future, based on your new independent life, instead of life with your former spouse. Or maybe you’re still shaping those dreams and figuring out what you actually want. Whatever the case, the present moment is a lot less scary than all those unknowns. You’re doing fine, you’re handling things, and your current outlook really isn’t so bad. Sit down, breathe, and give yourself permission to live in the moment, instead of fixating on the distant future.
Appreciate the Little Things
There are benefits to being on your own. Regardless of the negatives, seeking out the positives can help you overcome your fears and come to enjoy your new single status. Consider this:
- You have your entire bed to yourself (or can share it with a child or children at your personal discretion, instead of having to cater to your spouse) and can spread out as much as you like.
- You can make your own meal choices, without considering your former spouse’s preferences. That fantastic meal that you love and they hate? You can have it whenever you like.
- You have full control over the remote. There’s no need to negotiate on which show you’ll be watching tonight. Instead, you can choose the one that works best for you.
- You can enjoy time with friends whenever you like and, in fact, you’re probably learning just how important some of those friends are in your life.
Being single for the first time in years may be intimidating, but it also offers an unparalleled freedom. Concentrate on those great positives instead of letting yourself dwell on the negatives, and you’ll be amazed by how much stronger you feel. It isn’t possible for fear to get the better of you when you’re focusing on all the good in your life.
Remember How Strong You Are
You’ve been through tough times before. Some of them may have left their mark on you, but you survived them all! Sit down with your journal and list those moments when you needed to be strong and were able to step up to the plate. Then, realize that you still have that same strength. You’ll be able to handle those scary moments when they come.
Give In and Imagine
If you can’t get that lingering fear to let go, try this strategy: let yourself imagine the worst-case scenario. Define your fear and name it for what it is. Then ask yourself, “What if?” How are you going to handle that situation when it arises? Develop a plan of action that you’ll be able to realistically put into place if that worst-case scenario actually occurs. Once you know how you’ll handle it, you’ll be able to lay the fear to rest and focus on more important things.
Your life will change dramatically over the next few months and years. You’ll deal with new situations, test your own strength, and discover that single you is even more capable than the married you ever dreamed. We’re here to help you overcome your fear and navigate the transition. Check out how we can help. We’ll walk you through the process and help you find the strategies you need as you evolve into your next chapter.
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