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10 Things You Can Look Forward to When You are Single

Woman Daydream

Let’s face it: Divorce is a heavy and depressing topic. There’s no way of getting around that. But, there is a bright side. Being single for the right reasons, versus staying with someone for the wrong reasons, opens up a whole new world.

First, let’s consider the bad things you lose — all the minor annoyances that added up, from the toilet seat that was always left up or waiting on your spouse while she changed three times before leaving the house. The passive-aggressive behavior, fights about money, those certain family members you dreaded spending holidays with. Gone! All Gone!

Now, let’s talk about what you gain:

  1. Kid-free time. Of course, you love your kids with all your heart. And, at first, it may be hard to get used to not having them around every day or weekend. And then… Imagine waking up on a Saturday morning and having absolutely no obligations until Monday. The weekend is yours. You can sleep in, go to the gym, get a pedicure, meet a friend for coffee, take a long bike ride, hit the town or stay in. You’re not transporting kids to play dates or birthday parties. The movie Frozen is not on constant replay on your TV, and you can go out to eat in sophisticated adult establishments where mac and cheese and chicken fingers are nowhere to be found on the menu. You don’t even need to find a sitter!
  2. Your own money. If you want to buy another pair of black shoes to go with the other 12 pairs in your collection, there’s no one to give you a hard time about it. New golf clubs? No problem. Of course, this is not to say you should go on a crazy post-divorce shopping spree without paying careful attention to your budget, but, the bottom line is, it’s your budget. No one else’s.
  3. Self-discovery. The extra time in your life allows you to explore hobbies you’ve always wanted to try. You have the chance to discover — or rediscover– who you truly are outside of the confines of a marriage that may have defined you and your life for so long. When you open yourself up to finding your true self and to the possibilities of what could be, doors will open all around you.
  4. Freedom. This is your life. And now this is your opportunity to live it how you would like. During your process of self-discovery, you may find there are things you want to change. Have you been dreaming about a career change? Do you want to travel more? You have the freedom to achieve these goals.
  5. The “spark”. Remember those butterflies in your stomach and the thrill of the chase (or being chased)? The excitement of getting to know someone new and all the milestones that come with that, including the first kiss, weekends away, feeling like someone is genuinely interested in what you have to say, and yes… the sex. When you are living in a bad marriage, those special moments get lost in the daily grind of arguments and tension.
  6. It’s your home. Decorate how you want. Make it your safe place in the world. Bless someone else by giving away anything that doesn’t “fit” into your new world. I remember bringing decor into my new home from the old, and it no longer fit who I was. Out it went! While I still have furniture to buy, rooms to paint and walls to fill — my home feels so comfortable to me!
  7. Watch what you want. Ever get those snarky comments for watching football, Fox News or Grey’s Anatomy? The remotes are yours with no color commentary. Enough said.
  8. Be a better parent. When you’re in a difficult marriage, it can be so hard to be the parent you want to be. So much of your energy is being drained within your marriage, and it’s common for your relationship with your child to suffer. Parenting alone gives you an opportunity to be truly present with your kids and create a more connected relationship.
  9. You decide the menu. Couples often have different preferences when it comes to food. One person may be trying to live a healthier lifestyle, while the other is bringing home doughnuts. This can easily lead to resentment on both sides. You can now eat in peace!
  10. You can take off your mask. No more pretending to be the happy couple and to be somebody and something that you are not. You finally get to live life on your terms and in your truth.

Not being part of a couple can definitely take some getting used to. I’m not going to lie — you may feel lonely at times. And sad. Even unsafe. But, it’s pretty normal to have those feelings in a bad marriage as well. Start embracing the simple pleasures of single life and you’ll discover how good it feels to find yourself again.

What are you most looking forward to about being single?