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Surviving Valentine’s Day; During and After Divorce

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If you’re divorced, contemplating divorce or going through divorce, the pink and red decorations, candy and cards that have overtaken an entire aisle in the grocery store (and the airwaves) as soon as the Christmas decorations disappeared could be enough to make you want to tell Cupid and his minions to shove it. But before you get caught up in all of that, take a moment to reflect on past Valentine’s Days; were they really that great? As my marriage was in its final chapters,  I remember standing in that dreaded card aisle trying to pick the perfect one that defined my marriage or relationship with my now ex-husband… I sure wasn’t feeling the cards that said “you’re the love of my life” or “I can’t wait to tear your clothes off”. I’d shuffle through my options, becoming more and more depressed, until I found a card that was blank inside with a cute dog on the front. There. That would work for now. Sound familiar? I’m sure I’m not alone in this one!

So, it’s quite possible that your past Valentine’s Days as a couple weren’t all that great either. Instead of succumbing to this overly commercialized quasi-holiday, and wallowing in misery because Hallmark thinks you should be spending the day on a bed of roses, serenaded by verses of original poetry, followed up by an extravagant dinner and jewelry that costs more than three month’s salary, do what makes you happy. As the saying goes, being alone for the right reasons is far better than being with someone for the wrong reasons. Use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to love yourself. If you have kids, arrange a dinner date with them at their favorite restaurant or celebrate with another fun activity you all love to do. If you’re on your own, embrace the positives of that. Sleep in and pamper yourself with a massage or pedicure. Buy yourself a present. Get a workout in. Grab some friends and have an anti-Valentine’s Day dinner or brunch. All of this applies to men going through divorce as well. Declare your independence from Hallmark (and that dreaded card aisle), grab some buddies and hit the slopes or the links, or enjoy a night out on the town.

Whatever you decide to do (and it’s completely within your right to do absolutely nothing or wallow just a teeny tiny little bit), use this day as an opportunity to treat yourself right—to truly love yourself and the person you have become. Visit Untangle the Knot’s Physical and Spirit sections for ways you can get active and nourish your body and soul– all are excellent ways to pamper yourself from the inside out. You can also treat yourself to a session with our Life Coach, for guidance on how you can live your best post-divorce life.

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