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Divorcees in the Media: Why You Aren’t a Victim but a Victor

I recently ran across a comic routine that left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I won’t name any names, but the gist of it was that the comedian had married a divorced woman, referring to her as “a rescue.” The animal metaphor went on for a minute or so, and while I totally understand that comedy is sometimes sarcastic and out-there, it bugged me more than a little bit.

Divorce is, after all, no new phenomenon. The media loves headlines that paint divorced men and women as fixer-upper projects. The new spouse is deemed as some sort of knight in shining armor stooping down from their pedestal to find someone in need of saving. It seems that this is doubly stressed if that person has children.

Don’t get me wrong; I understand that taking on a new family when you previously were a single unit is tough. It is. I get it—but it doesn’t constitute a rescuing. Divorcees are not victims. The courage to actually end something that is not healthy for you is, in fact, just the opposite. There is something very heroic in that. Leaving behind your comfort zone is incredibly brave.

Divorcees and Moving On: Realizing Your Unique Worth

So what do divorcees have to offer in a relationship? More than you can imagine! I know that the media will not change overnight, nor will the general idea of what it means to fall in love with someone who has been in love before, but I speak with so much personal experience and from knowing so many amazing people who have been there. When someone chooses a divorcee as a forever-partner, they choose them not in spite of that fact but often, in some ways, because of the strength they exude due to their experience.

Yes, you may be fragile.

Yes, you may have cried and still may cry over the past.

Yes, it is difficult as hell.

But underneath that is a decision, a choice you made to consider yourself worthy of more than a marriage that is causing you pain. Maybe you were abused, mentally or physically. Maybe vows were broken. Maybe you found out that who you married was not who you thought they were. No matter what the situation, it was your choice and it is an indication of your strength.

Alternatively, staying in situations that are hard in order to fight for what you love is equally admirable. However, if there is abuse in your marriage you need to get help. You deserve to be safe, and you have the strength inside you to create a safe and healthy environment; you just have to discover it. There are more than enough programs that can help you get on your feet and stay safe. You just have to know where to look. We will be doing a post on that one day in the near future, so be sure to check back here for resources.

The way the media teaches the world to view divorced men and women may never change entirely, but what we can change is how we view ourselves. Knowing that you are strong, that you are brave, and that what you are doing is a courageous move that takes a lot of empowerment and self-love will help you move forward. Not everybody has that within them, but you do. You can remedy the victim label by carrying that kind of limitless power as you journey ahead. Remember that you are a prize, not a rescue. What you have been through has made you better and wiser, and in that wisdom, you have created something that defines you.

That, my friend, is what courage looks like.

If you need help realizing that, we’d love to help. You are worth it. You are wonderful. You are a victor, not a victim.