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Overcoming Fear During Your Divorce

Whether you were surprised when your former spouse decided to file for divorce or you were the one who decided that it was time to untangle the knot and move on with your lives, the changes divorce brings to your life can be terrifying. However, overcoming that fear is a critical part of moving on with your life, seeing what’s on the other side, and learning to function in your new reality. It won’t happen overnight, but if you give yourself time, you’ll learn just what a strong individual you can be.

Live in the Moment

The future is, and always will be, a huge unknown. Maybe you’ve already considered new dreams and plans for your future, based on your new independent life, instead of life with your former spouse. Or maybe you’re still shaping those dreams and figuring out what you actually want. Whatever the case, the present moment is a lot less scary than all those unknowns. You’re doing fine, you’re handling things, and your current outlook really isn’t so bad. Sit down, breathe, and give yourself permission to live in the moment, instead of fixating on the distant future.

Appreciate the Little Things

There are benefits to being on your own. Regardless of the negatives, seeking out the positives can help you overcome your fears and come to enjoy your new single status. Consider this:

  • You have your entire bed to yourself (or can share it with a child or children at your personal discretion, instead of having to cater to your spouse) and can spread out as much as you like.
  • You can make your own meal choices, without considering your former spouse’s preferences. That fantastic meal that you love and they hate? You can have it whenever you like.
  • You have full control over the remote. There’s no need to negotiate on which show you’ll be watching tonight. Instead, you can choose the one that works best for you.
  • You can enjoy time with friends whenever you like and, in fact, you’re probably learning just how important some of those friends are in your life.

Being single for the first time in years may be intimidating, but it also offers an unparalleled freedom. Concentrate on those great positives instead of letting yourself dwell on the negatives, and you’ll be amazed by how much stronger you feel. It isn’t possible for fear to get the better of you when you’re focusing on all the good in your life.

Remember How Strong You Are

You’ve been through tough times before. Some of them may have left their mark on you, but you survived them all! Sit down with your journal and list those moments when you needed to be strong and were able to step up to the plate. Then, realize that you still have that same strength. You’ll be able to handle those scary moments when they come.

Give In and Imagine

If you can’t get that lingering fear to let go, try this strategy: let yourself imagine the worst-case scenario. Define your fear and name it for what it is. Then ask yourself, “What if?” How are you going to handle that situation when it arises? Develop a plan of action that you’ll be able to realistically put into place if that worst-case scenario actually occurs. Once you know how you’ll handle it, you’ll be able to lay the fear to rest and focus on more important things.

Your life will change dramatically over the next few months and years. You’ll deal with new situations, test your own strength, and discover that single you is even more capable than the married you ever dreamed. We’re here to help you overcome your fear and navigate the transition. Check out how we can help. We’ll walk you through the process and help you find the strategies you need as you evolve into your next chapter.

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Valentine’s Day Divorce: Time to Kick Cupid to the Curb?

Valentine’s Day is approaching, but not everyone is feeling the love. Thousands of people are trapped in unhappy marriages and are ready to move on, but may be unsure of how or when to take the next step. For many, that time is now. So if you are contemplating divorce this Valentine’s Day, know you are not alone.

According to some reports, the month of February sees a sharp increase in the number of divorce filings. The reason for this is somewhat obvious. At a time of year when the air is thick with love, the unhappiness of a bad marriage can feel especially suffocating.

Valentine’s Day divorce filers usually fall into two distinct groups: those who have been planning to get divorced for a while, and those who are searching for a reason to stay.

The “Delayed New Year’s Resolutioners”

When it comes to those who have been wanting a divorce for a while, putting it off may simply seem easier than dealing with the grief and hardship that can come with it. Some are in relationships where they feel unsafe, while others are merely unhappy with their partner. These people have told themselves for years that they need to become single. And though the new year may seem like a perfect time to consider such a life changing decision, some people get cold feet and choose not to file, or postpone the divorce until the busyness of the new year has quieted down.

People that have made up their mind, but get cold feet right after New Year’s, usually regret the decision. By the time February rolls around, these people cannot stand the thought of another Valentine’s Day with their spouse. Faking happiness through dinner is just not possible anymore. These delayed New Year’s Resolutioners often choose to act before the special day. They want to be single again, and they want out of their marriage, before another miserable year goes by.

The “Waiting to Exhale” Crowd

On the other hand, some couples hold out for Valentine’s Day, in hopes of making one last attempt to reconcile their differences. Though one or both disgruntled spouses are considering divorce, they may still be holding onto the hope of fixing their marriage. Maybe they have children, or they are married to their first love. There are many reasons why someone would want to stay in a marriage, even while they are actively considering divorce. These people are waiting to exhale. Hoping that their spouse gives them a reason to reconcile, while still considering divorce an option.

Waiting for Valentine’s Day can be a good option for some couples. It’s not unheard of for two people to rekindle that spark that has been missing over a romantic evening, away from the normal stresses of life. Of course, some couples may simply wish to consider all their options, before making the final decision to seek a divorce. Maybe an extended separation or a vacation could save the marriage. By waiting, these couples might be able to save their relationship.

So What Next?

Contemplating divorce is a difficult process. Often your entire social circle is tied up in your marriage. You may feel completely isolated. Fortunately, there are numerous resources available to people considering divorce.

At Untangle The Knot, we provide an ideal resource for people considering divorce. The “Contemplating Divorce” section of our website is a great place to start. In this section, you will find numerous insights to get answers to your biggest questions. This section offers helpful information for those who might be worried about issues such as the cost of divorce or about losing custody of their children. We even discuss opportunities to save your marriage from the divorce. The guidance found on this page can be invaluable when making your decision.

Ultimately, if you do decide to move forward with divorce during this Valentine’s Day season, we hope that the resources here at Untangle The Knot can make the process a little easier. In addition to the wealth of information and guidance we provide, our site can also help you locate professionals in the counseling, financial, and legal professions, to give you the personal assistance you need.

Going through a divorce is stressful in so many ways, but living through an unhappy marriage can be even worse. We encourage you to get the guidance and support you need to move forward in your marriage, or into your single life.

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