5 Types of Unhappy Marriages – Which One is You?

If you are living in an unhappy marriage, you are not alone. Millions of people are right there with you. Everything may look picture perfect on the outside, but the story is very different behind closed doors. It could be only one of you who wants out, or it may be both of you. Nobody is moving forward for any number of reasons, but most probably come down to fear. It could be fear of the effect of divorce on the children, hurting your spouse, what your parents will think, what your friends will think, money, your sense of security, your feelings of responsibility, your identity, and the list goes on. It’s completely understandable, although I’d challenge you to question how much weight you want to give the opinions of others in your quest for your personal happiness and fulfillment.

The last chapters of an unhappy marriage can look many different ways, but the descriptions below covers most. Does one of them describe you?

1. Living in Limbo – You’re unhappy and have been for a long time, for months or even years. Something is keeping you stuck. Maybe you are waiting for an event to making leaving okay, to keep you from being the bad guy. This is a time to dig deep and do some self-exploration to figure out what is preventing you from making the decision.
2. Living in Mutual Misery – You’re both openly unhappy. There is little to no emotional or physical intimacy. You may fight often and the “D” word is thrown around. You may not fight much at all anymore because you just don’t care. It’s an unhappy and non-functioning relationship, but it’s so hard to know when to divorce. If you are staying together for the kids, chances are good that you are doing more harm than good by staying together in this situation.
3. You are Blindsided – You thought everything was fine. Then, BAM! Your world was shattered. He is unhappy and wants out. She had an affair. Something happened that just shook your world to its core. Now you are trying to figure out what to do next.
4. It Wasn’t Your Decision – You may have openly discussed problems with your spouse, or maybe just knew something was wrong. Regardless, yesterday you were married and today you are starting on the path to divorce. You could be shocked, hurt and angry that you didn’t say it first as to not be the one who was left, or you could even be feeling a bit of relief.
5. You Decided – You’ve made the decision to divorce. You may or may not have broken the news to your spouse yet. You want to cause as little pain as possible for everyone and have an amicable parting. Doing this the best way possible for the kids is of the utmost importance.

Untangle The Knot does not advocate for divorce. We have a sincere desire for people to choose a happy and fulfilling life, inside or outside of their marriage. We believe people are best served by trying to improve their marriages before opting for divorce. However, sometimes divorce is the right choice. Check out our new Contemplating Divorce section on Untangle The Knot. This is completely free content to guide you through some things to think about while making this incredibly difficult decision. If one of the previous categories described you, sign up for access to Untangle The Knot to receive information on specific steps you can take to move forward and get unstuck. Just one single step forward may open the door to the life you want to life.